Shame. Men and women experience very
different kinds of shame, and our lack of understanding of shame dynamics
wreaks havoc in relationships. We'll look at how women have traditionally
learned to feel ashamed about being incompetent, and at how men have
learned to feel ashamed about the abuses men have perpetrated upon women
and upon the world. We'll examine how this shame interferes with good
relationships, and ways to identify and heal it.
The different ways in which men and women
are empowered. Men and women do not become empowered in the same
way. We'll explore how a child growing up finds different "empowerment
doors" open or closed, depending on his or her gender. You'll see how
our culture makes it much easier for boys to become empowered around achievement,
while girls are more often empowered in the areas of feelings and relationships.
We'll examine how our general lack of understanding of these different
areas of empowerment causes difficulty and confusion between men and
women.
The system of male-female relationships.
Codependence theory and family roles therapy have taught us that relationships
exist as systems to which both parties contribute, and from which
both parties benefit. With the best of intentions, men and women very often
create relationship dynamics that trap them into downward spirals of
anger and fighting. You'll learn how to identify and stop these painful
patterns before they destroy your relationships.
The dehumanization of men. Men are one of the few groups that
otherwise socially aware, equality-committed people still feel free to
degrade and abuse. Stereotypes clump men into one "bad" being, and treat
all men as the worst of what human beings can be. As long as the stereotyping
of men is unexplored, men will remain dehumanized. Balanced, healthy
relationships between men and women will be impossible. You'll learn
to see the usually-invisible stereotypes that dehumanize men, and how
to keep them from interfering with your life and your relationships.
Violence. The ways in which our society explains violence between
men and women keeps men and women apart. We'll examine the fallacies in
how our society explains intergender violence, and chart a route to creating
a society made up of relationships that are loving, supportive,
and truly non-violent.
Sex. Men and women have profoundly different experiences with
sex and sexual availability. Sexuality, including sexual desires and
fantasies, has long been shamed in our culture. You'll learn how
to build better sexual relationships by increasing your sexual self-esteem
and honoring your sexual style.
These understandings enfold together to create an attitude that
automatically creates compassion and empowered relationships with the opposite
sex. Like many life-changing ideas, these ideas are simple, but not intuitive.
Once you understand them, you'll find them easy and natural to integrate
into your life.